Come to me.

This weekend is the first weekend that I am home with my sisters gone, both gone.


The first giveaway of their absence is when I stepped into my house yesterday, and the lights in the computer room were off. The lights in the computer room are never off, not at 2am at least. Jing always wait for me in that room, greeting me with a loud bellow of "HELLO" from her seat behind the computer, even before I have taken off my shoes at the door. And yesterday, silence.

I have prepared myself for it, the shock of seeing their empty room. But when I turned the knob of the white wood door, in a strange way, it's as if they have never left. Piles of clothings are still stacked on the floor, despite my mom's numerous threats to throw them away. My only rationale on why they are just left on the floor and not kept away is probably 'cause my maid can't find anymore closet space in the Hoe household. The wardrobes, all 8 ceiling-to-wall doors of them, are mine to play with. But what I really want is for them to be around and to force me to ask for permission before I can take any piece out of the cupboard.

Today, I suffered the first wave of the aftermath of their departure. I realised I forgot to bring my eyeliner back to KL, and usually, I would just walk into my sisters' room and grab their eyeliner. If one or the both of them are there, we will be chattering away whilst I try to stabilise my eyeliner-wielding hand. Alas, I walked to their dresser, and all I see is a lump of tangled necklaces, one stick of old lip balm and an expired tube of mascara. No eyeliner to be seen, and no laughter to be heard.

Dinner was weird. We couldn't even finish off one bottle of wine; usually we have 2 in one dinner seating. When the dishes came, I raised an eyebrow to my mom and asked her, "Are you sure it's enough! The dish looks so small!", and she had to remind me gently that there's only the 6 of us now; my sisters are no longer around. Aah, my sisters, with their appetites which can challenge any living human being, haha. I miss fighting for the last piece of chicken with them. Today, we packed away the unfinished chicken.


I guess there will be more moments like that. Moments where my mom wants to match a ruffled top with a sequined vest and velvet pants, and I choke back my laughter and look for someone to share a singger with, and find no one there. A moment in the car with pop music playing in the background, and my grandma fiddling with her seatbelt on my right and my brother the Kayu (loosely translated to Wooden Plank) on my left, and I have noone to banter with. Moments when my dad brings up trips to Hokaido and it doesn't sound fun without my sisters. And the moments which I am most afraid of, a flash where I will remember that they are gone and I am alone and the world is dark and grey.