'Cause times like this.

I am absolutely swarmed with worry now, drowning, barely swimming, barely threading, barely breathing.

I called the boyfriend just now, and he answered me with his sleepy voice. But there was something... wrong with the groggy voice. I heard the word 'sick' and some mumbling and the the word 'mum' and then a lot of noisy fumbling. I just stayed on the line, utterly confused. Not long after, the boyfriend's mom picked up the phone. What she told me came in a blur. He got a serious bout of food poisoning, and has been vomiting. He's so weak that he can't even talk. He's at the clinic now waiting for jab. She will get him to call me when he feels better. All I could say was "Oh... Ok... Oh.. Ok.." when I really wanted to bombard her. "Is he ok???" "What happened?" "What did he eat?" "Which clinic are you all at now" "Does he feel cold?"

"Does he need me?"

I didn't ask any of those questions. I just hung up. And I am on a standby now. Waiting. Waiting for a phone call to assure me that he is ok.

Hate this feeling. Kind of feel like doomsday is looming.. only it's the opposite? I am in doomsday now, waiting for some kind of comfort. I picked up a magazine, flipped through it absent-mindedly and dropped it down again. I clicked on the Desperate Housewife episode which I have diligently downloaded, but my mind can't concentrate. I want to talk to someone, anyone, to take my mind off, but no one is online at 10.30 on a Sunday night.

It is times like these that makes me just want to pack up my bags right now and leave. Back home, back where I belong. Not being able to be there when it matters is killing me. No amount of money is ever going to make up for this. I want out.

And I guess as the minutes of the digital clock on my mobile phone ticked away so silently, the only thing I can do is continue to wait....