Mmm, I like rolling the word off my tongue.
Graduate...
So crisp, so new...
A foreign word, previously; my identity currently, haha.
Yupps, results are out; I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my exams! Exams seem like something from the yesteryear. And I always can't get over how quickly results seemed to be released!
Nevertheless, I am very happy with my results! I was very disappointed with my results last semester, and well, I guess I could safely say I redeemed myself this time around. :)
All three of us were at home when results were initially released (online), and we checked our results almost simultaneously. After some teeth-chattering and nerve-breaking moments of clambering with the mouse, we all broke out of our respective rooms, and I would remember that picture forever...
Us jumping, and laughing, and screaming, "We have graduated! We have graduated!". When I saw Mey sniffling and crying, I couldn't help being touched, and my vision blurred with tears as well.
The girls went back to their rooms soon after to call their parents to inform them of the good news. I hesitated. My parents have never bothered to ask me about my grades, they have faith that I will do well, they know that I would. Neither do I think that me telling them that I have graduated (figuratively speaking, since my graduation ceremony has taken place yet) will elicit much emotions from them, they expect it.
Maybe I will drop them a text message later.
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We are having a celebration tomorrow-- a nice dinner and clubbing, for all the graduates. Everyone seems so jolly and happy and proud, everyone is in a good mood.
And I silly for having mixed feelings about graduating? I don't want to leave this wonderful phase of my life, my university years were the best times. I don't want to take on the responsibilities that will inevitable drop on me like big boulders the moment I drape the graduation robes onto myself. I don't want to work, not 'cause I am lazy or spoiled, but 'cause I know when I do, carefree days would be out of reach.
I remember talking about this with a friend some time ago, and she told me that I should be excited that another chapter of my life is beginning. I see the thrill in that, but I told her, "Unfortunately this chapter of the book will continue to the end of the book."
And isn't that true? The moment we start working, we will have to slog and slog, be caught up in the rat race, and to be responsible for yourself. The responsibilities will only get immensely heavier, you will need to buy a car, later a house, saving for your wedding, starting up a family, paying off your children's education funds...
I feel as if I am on one side of a line now, where the land is joyous and worry-free, and I am edging nearer and nearer to the boundary. In a few months' time, I will topple over to the other side, when I will have to face the harsh reality that is life.
I think I am too morbid.
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When you come to this stage of your life, one thought that really sticks onto you is growing up.
Long have we been sheltered in a place where things come easy, and where we could afford to take things for granted. When a new phase of life is looming so ominously over our heads, you start to question yourself. You wonder whether you are good enough. You doubt yourself. You start to query, what has become of you, what will become of you; what can you become.
Sometimes, I berate myself, because clearly, I do not look forward to the working life, and I wonder whether that it's a sign that I am not willing to grow up. I hate to imagine myself as a oversized baby who is clinging onto every last bit of her youth she can get her grubby hands on. But there are days when I think I am too hard on myself. Because the fact is, people resist change. Just because I don't look forward to growing up, doesn't make me a child trapped in an adult's body (though at slightly over 5 feet, I am still considered a child's body. -__-). I am trying to remind myself that I have to hold on to the child-like demeanor that is embedded within me. God be damned if I will be a sombre, lifeless adult functioning in a mechanical, soul-less manner.
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Tonight is the last night I am staying in South East Flats. Tomorrow, I would be moving to the city, and I'll be staying there till the end of the month, where I would fly back home. For good.Jac is already gone, she's back in KL in fact. Smalls is also not staying in the flats already. Tonight, there is only Mey and I under this roof. Tomorrow, there will be none.
I went on a throwing spree just now, basically throwing away anything that I wouldn't bring to where I am staying in the city, and that I wouldn't bring back to KL either. I threw away stashes and stashes of notes and assignments, the fruits of hours of labor and hardwork. But what is the point of keeping them, I thought. I threw away the pink decorative items I had scattered over my wall; little anecdotes to cheer up the miserable looking room when I first moved in. I threw away photos after photos of the boyfriend and my sisters, in which I has pegged and posted in my room; I will be going to them after this. Instead, when I am back, I will pin up photos of my life here, Melbourne. What a strange twist.
My room is barren now, bare shelves, empty wardrobes, clean walls. I have even removed the pink curtains that I have lovingly hung up when I first moved. Now, I am looking at the fugly green curtains that came with the flat. Tomorrow, when I leave the flat, it would be void. There would be no traces of me; it would be as if I was never here.
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One of the most apparent change in my life in Melbourne currently is the fact that Jac has gone back to Malaysia for summer break. It's really sad, that in this one month ahead of me where I am under a mission to party, enjoy and explore, I won't have her alongside with me.
I think I scared my friends the day before, when we were in karaoke, and amidst all the emo songs, I started crying. I cried too during our slumber party. I am sure you are thinking that I will still see Jac when I go back to KL at the end of the year, but it's different. We won't be in Melbourne anymore. And once she comes back to Melbourne for her semester, we would be apart. Of course, I cried, not only because of Jac's departure, but also because of the fact that the Flat Hair Flat would never be the same again.
Jaclyn, come back to Melbourne!
There are still so many things we haven't done together! :(
Before Mey's costume party almost 2 weeks ago.
We were desperately looking for costumes a few hours before the party started.
I was trying find a kimono, and here is Jac trying on a bunny costume.
Haha, look at how intense and serious and stern she looked. :P
Who is going to take slutty pictures with me anymore? :(
My best eating partner, who is willing to splurge on food and always eager to purge on food.
Who is going to accompany me to find new places to eat at now??? T___T
And remember how we say our best pictures are usually with each other?
Does it mean that we will never have nice pictures ever again since we are separated now... T___T
Who is going to be the girl who is so compatible with me in pictures... The girl who is adventurous in camwhoring with me... The girl whom know exactly what to do in front of the camera the moment the lens are set in front of us...
Who is going to go shopping with me, help me dig for my size, helps stop me from overspending. :(
But of course, those are only the superficial reasons. The fact is, though we are different on many levels, we are compatible on so many more.
Same same, that's what we are. :)
You will be the thing that I miss most in Melbourne.
